Another non-scale victory for you today if you can call it that. It’s more of a shift in thinking.
As you may have noticed, I usually post a progress picture with every weigh-in that I do. When I first started this blog, there was no way in hell I was going to post pictures of myself like that. Me? Without a shirt? That’s way more than anyone should see of me. I don’t even dress like that when I’m swimming. I decided to go ahead and add them to my weigh-ins because very few people that I know were reading my blog at that time. It was like some secret journal that only a few of my closest relationships knew about (plus whatever WordPress strangers stumbled upon it). I was even fearful about those select few people knowing what I really look like, unable to cover up in jeans and baggy sweatshirts. Looking back now, I was an idiot. Like those people in my life would love me less or think less of me somehow because I have a few extra rolls? Ridiculous. I didn’t given them enough credit.
Over the past few weeks, I started posting my blog updates to my various forms of social media. I got to a point where I was ready for more than 3 people to read about my struggles. Someone might read something that I wrote and relate to it in some way. That’s the goal anyway. I also did it because I’m tired of caring. Not about my life or the people in it – I’m not a monster for heaven’s sake. Tired of caring what other people think.
I can’t wear those sweatpants to class because someone may think that I’m a bum.
I can’t wear my hair like that today because someone may think that I haven’t showered.
I’m wearing that makeup? Am I trying to look like a clown?
There came a time that I just stopped caring about these things, and I didn’t even realize it. Who cares if someone sees that I’m fat? Who cares if someone doesn’t like what I say? I certainly don’t. Not anymore. It really doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a part of me that still questions myself every time I post something, especially when it shows me in a less-than-flattering way. That part just has to be ignored.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.
You can bet your ass that I’ll be wearing sweatpants to class today.